Being unoffendable - SELF CARE FOR NURSES, Ep. 12

What would your life be like if you never had to feel offended?

You could still not like certain things or behaviors, and could still take steps to protect yourselves from them, but you wouldn't have to feel bad about it in the process.

Other people could do whatever they wanted and it wouldn't MAKE you feel anything. (Pro tip: People can do whatever they want already. The only thing that would change would be how you felt about it.)

YOUR CHALLENGE, SHOULD YOU CHOOSE TO ACCEPT IT

Notice what feeling "offended" feels like. Do you like feeling that way? When you feel that way, does it help you get the things that you want? Does feeling that way give you the experience you want to have?

If a patient disrespects you, does feeling offended by it make your day better or worse? Does feeling offended change the patient's behavior? Does it help you love your job? 

What you feel is your choice. I'd suggest making the choice that helps you be the person you want to be.

 
Self Care for Nurses, being unoffendable

This is not optional - SELF CARE FOR NURSES, Ep. 11

Think about the things you want. The goals you want to achieve. The changes you want to make in your life. The results you would like to enjoy.

When you think about doing and getting those things, do you see them as optional? Like, maybe you will do it today, and maybe you will wait until, you know, tomorrow. Or maybe the next day. When it's warmer. At the beginning of the month. After the holiday. When it warms up. 

Sometimes the biggest gift we can give ourselves is just to decide that doing the thing we know we want IS NOT OPTIONAL.

YOUR CHALLENGE, SHOULD YOU CHOOSE TO ACCEPT IT

Think about a goal you want. Think about the things you will need to do to achieve that goal. Now just make doing those things not optional. No matter how hard or annoying or boring they might be, decide right now that you are going to do them. There is no need to struggle every day questioning whether you are going to do it or not, because now you know that you are just going to do it. And when that dark voice in the back of your head starts complaining, and starts wanting to be lazy, and finds all sorts of excuses why you really are justified to procrastinate, just smile and reply "This is not optional." 

 
Self Care for Nurses Goals

Thoughts and perspective: SELF CARE FOR NURSES Ep #10

One of the cornerstones of what I teach is how our thoughts create our world and lead us directly to the results that we get. If that doesn't make sense on its own, don't worry, because today I'm going to talk about a very specific example to illustrate what I mean. 

Remember, when we focus on the thing that is bugging us, we empower the thing to bug us. If we focus on the thoughts we are having about the thing, we empower ourselves to shift our thinking to something that will give us a better experience. 

YOUR CHALLENGE, SHOULD YOU CHOOSE TO ACCEPT IT

Notice the little things that bug you. See if you can find the thought that is causing you to be bugged. Is that thought (and the feeling that goes with it) helping you have the life that you want? If so, then no worries, it is perfectly fine to be irritated if we want to be. But if we don't, then we need to see if we can a different perspective and a different thought that will instead give us the feelings and the outcomes that we want to have in our lives. 

R.N. Q&A #2: Should I leave my toxic workplace

 
Life Coach for Nurses Q&A
 

Dear Robb,

What do you do when your work environment becomes toxic? I was so excited when I got hired and thought I would stay here forever, but now my other friends are telling me I should just leave.

Thanks,

Kaitlyn

Dear Kaitlyn,

Usually when I get asked this question, what people are hoping I will say is either to "Quit as fast as you can and run!" or "Here is a checklist of things you can do to change the bad behaviors of others so you can stay." I understand why people expect that - we are nurses, and we want to jump right to the solution. But as a life coach, before we start brainstorming our strategy I'd rather take the time to make sure we are solving the right problem. 

So I want to ask you a question Kaitlyn. What it is you most want to get out of your job? This question is important for any of us to answer, but it is especially critical here. What is most important to you? Do you want to like your job? Do you like where you are and so want to do the work to rise above the drama and enjoy it no matter what anyone else does? Or do you not really care, or want to focus your energy elsewhere in your life and so you just want an easy-to-like job? Think about this. There isn't a right or a wrong answer here, so be honest.

Because once you answer this question, then it becomes a lot easier to be able to figure out what you want to do about it to get the result you want. We can't control whether someone else decides to bring negativity and drama to the workplace or not. We can't force people to be nice, or to communicate better. What we can do is choose how we want to react to it, and what we want to do to protect ourselves.

This is important, because if you otherwise like your job and want to stay, then letting yourself get chased off is going to be frustrating. If you don't want to spend any energy dealing with the troublemakers, then staying might be hard. (Though, really, there are troublemakers everywhere.)

If you decide what you want most is to stay, then you can start looking at your options to empower yourself to enjoy your job, no matter what others do. If you decide you want to get away from the disfunction, then instead of feeling chased off you can feel great about looking for something better. 

While you are figuring that out, remember to TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF. Hot baths, good food, exercise, time spent with friends and family, pottery class, whatever it is. Make sure you are filling yourself up so that work doesn't start to drain more than you have to give. Everything gets harder when we are empty inside.

It is possible to find a good way to stay, just as it is possible to find a good way to leave. So make the choice, decide which result is the one you most want, and the rest will get a lot clearer.

Thanks for your question, and have a great day! 

Robb

Note: Questions are edited for privacy and clarity. I aim to be HIPAA compliant! ::wink:: If you have a question you can SUBMIT IT HERE.

R.N. Q&A #1: Changing someone's opinion of you

 
Registered Nurse Q&A
 

Dear Robb,

A new nurse is going through Orientation on my unit, and confided to me that her peer reviews have not been good and she feels she is being set up to fail. Consequently, I know she has lost her self-confidence; so she had a meeting with her Manager & Nursing Educator & she said that she was told to change the Staff's perspective of her. I am not quite sure what to tell her or how to help her as I feel that this Group has made up their minds about her & no longer want her as part of the Team (most have been in this position since they became RN's 25 to 30 years ago).  I am in an awkward position!!

Please explain your opinion on, "Changing The Staff's Perspective of You!"

Respectfully yours,

Jeanette

Dear Jeanette,

How gracious of you to be looking out for this nurse - it really shows the kind of person that you are. 

I am asked variations on this question frequently ("How do I make them like me?" "How do I make them respect me more") as this is something a lot of us struggle with. As a coach, my goal isn't just to give you an ibuprofen to dull the discomfort, but to help you think about the problem in a way that could empower you to heal the source of the pain on your own terms. 

If the question you are asking me is “How can my friend change the perspectives and opinions of the other nurses”, then strictly speaking, my answer would be that she can’t. What they think and feel and do is 100% up to them, so if she is spending her energy focused on trying to change them, she is setting herself up for a lot of disappointment and frustration and wasted energy.

When she thinks “I am being set up to fail”, then she is likely to feel discouraged and helpless, less likely to relate to her co-workers in a positive way and more likely to come across as stand-offish or irritable or desperate. By focusing on them and what they think, she is disempowering herself and is instead empowering THEM to be in charge of how she feels, and how her day goes, and this is a recipe for a great deal of struggle. 

Now if this sounds bleak, don’t worry, because there is a better solution! :-)

What I would recommend is that she focus instead on herself, and what she wants of herself, instead of what she wants of them. I would guess she wants to like her job, or be good at her job, or something like that. Then she could think of the things she could do to make that happen. Clearly depending on her peers to make her like her job or be good at her job is not a useful strategy at the moment. But surely there are things she can do. Study pertinent protocols or lab values, prepare for common tasks, practice her skills. She can see to her own self care, so that she comes to work recharged and ready to take on the challenge. Rather than trying to get her peers to like her, she can focus on liking her peers.

If she focuses on being the best and most competent nurse she is capable of being, she gives herself a goal that she is 100% in control over. 

With that goal, now she can focus on herself, which is something she is in control of. Even as she is learning, she can feel great that she is doing her best, and can be aware of her own progress as she is focused on getting the results she is in control over. 

The good news (and the irony) is that in focusing on being a great nurse, she is more likely to increase her self-confidence AND to earn the respect she wants from the other nurses at the same time.

It seems counter-intuitive when you are focused on the goal of changing someone else, but this is often how human behavior works. By taking charge of how she shows up as a nurse and as a peer, she is most likely to exhibit the behaviors her peers want to see from her.

Also, I would encourage her to remember that her self-confidence does not come from her peers, it comes from her. She is going to have very different results if she is thinking “My co-workers are making this too hard and I don’t know how to make them like me more” than if she instead goes to work everyday thinking “This transition is hard, but I am a nurse, and I can do hard things.”

 
 

Finally, just because her manager gave her the goal to “change their perspective of you”, don't let the semantics there throw you. What I am recommending will give her the same result her manager wants, but just changes the focus of how to get there to one that empowers her instead of empowering others. 

I hope this helps! If she is interested in hearing more, I do offer free 30-minute coaching calls, she can sign up HERE.

Thank you for the question, and have a great day!

Robb

Note: Questions are edited for privacy and clarity. I aim to be HIPAA compliant! ::wink:: If you have a question for me you can SUBMIT IT HERE.

Coping with tragedy - SELF CARE FOR NURSES, Ep. 9

This isn't what I thought I was going to be talking about this week. But sometimes when things happen, the best strategy is to acknowledge and deal with them.

A lot of us are having some pretty powerful feelings this week. I just want to remind you that those feelings are normal, and can be part of how you want to experience what happens in the world. None of your feelings are "wrong". 

But sometimes we need to be reminded that we don't have to be victims to those feelings. That there are things we can do to still honor them and still take the actions we want to take, but without having to feel so miserable about it. Watch this episode for more information.

If you are feeling empty, practice self care and fill yourself back up. If you are feeling hopeless, look for the helpers. If you are feeling tormented, help. These feelings aren't wrong, but they are also not the end. They are just the beginning. 

Take care of yourself. 

 
self care for nurses coping with tragedy
Look for the helpers
 

I'll be happy as soon as I... SELF CARE FOR NURSES, Ep. 8

"I'll be happy as soon as I finish this degree."

"I'll be happy after I get a new job."

"I'll be happy as soon as I get married."

If you have ever found yourself saying something like this, where you postpone your happiness until after some goal has been reached, you may have Destination Addiction. Watch the video to see why this could be a big stumbling block for you. 

YOUR HOMEWORK, SHOULD YOU CHOOSE TO ACCEPT IT

Start paying attention to see where you have been telling yourself that you have to wait to be happy. Goals are rad, and I very much hope that you have them. And if you are using them to beat yourself up, then you are making things much harder than they need to be. Give yourself credit for having the goal. And remember that happiness is a choice you can make today. 

 
Self Care for Nurses 8 Destination Addiction

Do you have to? Or do you want to? SELF CARE FOR NURSES, Episode #7

This week we have another language hack for your consideration. When you say that you "have to" do something, what do you really mean? How accurate are your words? More than that, how do they make you feel? For me, thinking I "have to" do something makes me feel irritated that I have to do that thing. I postpone. I procrastinate. I find all sorts of reasons to do other things first. 

But do my words actually reflect the truth? 

And more than that, are they giving me the result that I would want to have?

YOUR CHALLENGE, SHOULD YOU CHOOSE TO ACCEPT IT

Pay attention to how you talk about the things that you "have to" do. Do you REALLY have to do it? Or can you find a more compelling reason of why you WANT to do it? This is really great practice of something I talk a lot about with my clients, of thinking on purpose. Not only will doing it here likely yield much better results, but the skill of deliberate thinking will serve you in every aspect of your life. 

 
Self care for nurses episode 7

The size of your "but": SELF CARE FOR NURSES, Ep. 6

Self Care for Nurses: Episode 6

Self care comes in many shapes and sizes, and today I am talking about what is essentially a simple language hack that can have some pretty exciting implications. We use the word "but" all the time, and it can limit us in ways we barely notice. Simply by replacing that one word we can give ourselves much better outcomes. 

YOUR CHALLENGE, SHOULD YOU CHOOSE TO ACCEPT IT

Start listening for when you, or anyone else, uses the word "but".

  • "I want to love my job, but my boss is awful."
  • "I appreciate what you did, but I have a few ideas of my own."
  • "I hear what you are saying, but have you thought about this?" 

Notice the false choice they are communicating, and then how the meaning would change if you (or they) used the word "and" instead. Which option do you think would give you the best opportunities/outcome?

 
Self Care for Nurses Episode 6

SC4N Episode 5: Give Compliments Freely

On this weeks episode I wanted to talk about the good reasons to give compliments. On previous episodes we've talked about why it is important to receive compliments, and we've talked about how gossiping trains our brains to look for the negative qualities of others. Besides just being friendly, giving compliments trains your brains to do exactly what we probably want it to be doing - to see the good in others. Because if your goal is to like your job, finding the good things in others is likely to help you with that goal much more than finding the problems will. 

YOUR CHALLENGE, SHOULD YOU CHOOSE TO ACCEPT IT

Give out compliments freely! When you see someone do something nice, acknowledge it. When they accomplish something challenging, tell them you noticed. It doesn't have to be elaborate - if they say something that makes you laugh, you can just say "OK, that was funny." Though we can never be sure how anyone will react to our compliments (that is up to them), chances are they will appreciate the compliment, and you will be reinforcing the behavior you like to see from them. But more importantly, you will be training your brain to look for and notice the things that you like about them, and this is a habit that will serve you well in any relationship. 

 
Self Care for Nurses Episode 5

Episode 4: Imposter Syndrome

Have you ever been at work, rushing from patient to patient, calling doctors, trying to field questions from family members and co-workers, multi-tasking 14 things at once, and all of the sudden your brain whispers "You are in over your head. You aren't good enough/smart enough to be here. If anyone realized the truth about you, they would be horrified. It is a miracle you've gotten this far, but you better be careful not to let anyone see the truth about you."

If any of that even sounds remotely familiar, you should listen to this episode of Self Care for Nurses so you can find out what Imposter Syndrome is and how normal (and common) it really is. 

YOUR CHALLENGE, SHOULD YOU CHOOSE TO ACCEPT IT:

Notice if you find yourself thinking or feeling like you are an imposter, like you don't deserve your accomplishments or haven't earned your position. Then just remember that you aren't the only nurse to feel that way. We all put pressure on ourselves to be perfect, and your feelings are normal and even common.

If you passed nursing school and your boards, then you deserve to be a nurse. Rather than dwelling on what you don't know (because there will always be things you don't know) use the awareness that you are normal to allow yourself some peace. Because a calm nurse who is trying to learn makes better decisions than a scared and embarrassed nurse who is trying to hide. 

 
Self Care for Nurses Imposter Syndrome

Episode 3: What gossip does to your brain

Remember back in the 80's (yes, I'm dating myself) there were those subtle "This is your brain on drugs" commercials? They would show an egg (THIS IS YOUR BRAIN) and a frying pan (THIS IS DRUGS) and then they would fry the egg in the pan (THIS IS YOUR BRAIN ON DRUGS). Ok, well, maybe they weren't so subtle.

I don't suppose anyone thinks about gossip being in the same league as drugs, but in this weeks Self Care Video I talk about what is happening in your brain when you gossip, and the very selfish reason why you might want to re-think doing it. (Hint: it has nothing to do with morality or being "nice". This is YOUR BRAIN we are talking about.)

YOUR CHALLENGE, SHOULD YOU CHOOSE TO ACCEPT IT:

If you get the urge to gossip, pay attention to what is going on in your head. Why did you notice the thing you want to gossip about? What are you training your brain to look for? 

If you do choose to gossip, pay attention to the feeling it generates for you. How long does it last? Is it supporting your long term goals? Or is it a short term gain traded for long term losses?

 
Self Care for Nurses Episode 3

Episode 2: Choosing your Pet Peeves Wisely

What is your biggest pet peeve? The thing that just drives you crazy more than anything? In this episode I'm going to talk about how helpful it can be to consider our pet peeves in the context of self care. I'll also reveal two of my own biggest pet peeves and what they mean in the context of my life and my goals. 

 

YOUR CHALLENGE, SHOULD YOU CHOOSE TO ACCEPT IT:

Pay attention to your pet peeves this week, and notice how they make you feel. Yes, you don't like them, but is there an element of fun involved? Or are they just training your brain to find and point out the things you hate in life, limiting you with anger and frustration and self-righteous annoyance? Do you think you have chosen wisely?

 
Self Care Pet Peeves

SELF CARE - Episode 1: Reasons to always take a compliment

Welcome to the inaugural episode of my new video series on self care! 

I don't know about you, but I define self care as anything that makes you feel better. (And I mean actually feeling better, not just feeling numb or feeling less or feeling distracted.) In this video series I will share tips and tricks I have learned as a life coach that can help you in your quest to be awesome to yourself. 

Episode 1: The reason why always accepting the compliments that are given to you is so important. (And easy.)

You can watch the video, or if you'd prefer you can read an alternate version below. Either way - start accepting those compliments! 

It seems easy enough. Someone comes up to you and says something nice. You say something nice back. You part, both feeling pretty great about it.

One of the quirks of being a human though, is our fantastic ability to complicate the easy stuff.

So instead of politely accepting the compliment, thanking the giver for being so kind, we try to be so polite that instead we end up arguing with them. 

Lesson #1: Arguing with someone about why you aren’t as good as they think you are is not self care. Nor is it polite. It also isn’t modest, or funny, or respectful. You might think you are just being honest, or pleasantly self-deprecating, but from their perspective, all you are doing is telling them why you don’t respect their opinion, and why they should never bother complimenting you again.

It isn’t pretty.

Luckily, it is exceedingly simple to avoid turning a nice moment into an awkward one. 

Step One: Smile.

Step Two: Say, “Thank you so much.”

Step Three: There is no step three. You are already done. The end.

If you want to be a fancy pants and add a flourish, you can.

“What a nice thing to say. Thank you, I really appreciate hearing that.”

But keep your comments focused on saying thank you, not focused on the merits (or your perceived lack of merit) of the compliment.

They gave you a gift of their compliment, so give them back a gift of your own - let them hear how you appreciate their gesture.

If you don’t believe the compliment, your brain is going to have conniptions about this, and will desperately try to compel you to undermine and sabotage the compliment, and yourself, by trying to get the other person to understand how they were wrong. Your brain will spin it as “honesty”, trying to guilt you into “taking responsibility” for not being worthy of the compliment. It will try to trick you into saying more than than just “thank you”, and usually with a sentence that begins with “But”.

“Thank you so much, but I didn’t really didn’t do that much.”

“Thank you so much, but anyone would have done the same thing.”

“Thank you so much, but we both know you did all the hard work.”

“Thank you so much, but this shirt is ten years old, I just wore it because everything else was dirty.”

Do not fall for this trick! These “but” statements do not serve you, nor do they respect the person who gave you the compliment. 

Yes, our brains can be pretty jerky to us sometimes. But once you realize that fact, it gets easier to work around.

So if you are someone who has difficulty accepting a compliment, make is easy on yourself, and keep it simple. Smile, say thank you, and then just close your mouth, no matter what your brain says.

Now I know some of you are still squirming at the idea of accepting a compliment that the jerk part of your brain is just certain you don’t deserve, so here is a trick for you too.

Instead of thanking them for the compliment, thank them for giving you the compliment!

“What a nice compliment, I really appreciate your kindness.”

“Thank you for saying that, you are always so nice to me.”

This response avoids the argument over whether you agree with the compliment or not, and still is gracious to your complimentor. You aren’t exactly taking responsibility for the compliment, which as I life coach I would really encourage you to do because it is excellent self care. But if you need a baby step to start with, it can ease your discomfort with the compliment, and you are still showing a kindness to the person who took the time to compliment you. Don’t underestimate the importance of that. 

As author Maya Angelou once said:

“I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”

Give people the opportunity to feel great - and appreciated - when they are with you.

My nefarious ulterior motive with this is simple. Once you start accepting compliments, not only will people enjoy giving them to you, but also, your jerky brain just might come around and start believing them. Win-win, folks, win-win.

YOUR CHALLENGE, SHOULD YOU CHOOSE TO ACCEPT IT:

Accept every single compliment you are given this week. Pay attention to your jerk brain and how it wants you to argue - but don't give in! Notice how it seems to make the other person feel when you thank them graciously. And then see how you feel afterwards, knowing how considerate you were of the other person. 

You got this. 

 
Self Care Episode 1

In Defense of Awesome

Do you want to be awesome

DO YOU WANT TO BE AWESOME?

I want to talk to you about awesome. 

Not just the kind of awesome where you are “cool” or put on a good show of being interesting. I’m talking serious, legit awesomeness. 

Like when you see a comment by a troll on Facebook and instead of indulging your carefully groomed yet completely unproductive outrage with a stranger, you just, you know, note your opinion and then scroll past it. 

Or when the most bullying-est of bullies tries their bully routine on you but are quickly confounded and thwarted because no matter what terrible things they make up about you they just can’t make you believe them. 

Yes, I’m talking awesome like where you already have an Advanced Directive set up, and know exactly what to try to manage your anxiety, and when you floss your teeth it is figuratively just like a meteor has exploded into the wall behind you and you just keep on flossing, in full out slow mo, because you are so awesome that nothing that trivial gets in the way of proper dental care. 

That’s the world I’m talking about, because that’s the world I want to live in.

Now I’m going to acknowledge this right up front - “awesome” is one of those words that can get me in trouble with some folks. They want to put limits on the word for me. They say it is unsophisticated. They like to accuse me of bragging, or of being duplicitously selective, only talking about the “good” things. They want to argue semantics and say things like “If everything is awesome, then nothing is awesome”. 

To those people, I respectfully say, “psh”. 

To start with, I’m still marveling at how awesome it is that “duplicitously” is actually a word, because as I was typing it I was pretty sure I was just making it up. Awesomeness approved and validated!

All of us have the same capacity for awesomeness, so just because one person celebrates it in themselves does not mean they think they are any better than anyone else. Every day I hope I will I hear someone talking about something in their life that is awesome, because true awesome is contagious. Much like smiling or yawning or whistling that Lego song “Everything Is Awesome”, when you acknowledge the awe and wonder around you it can inspire others (and certainly me) to do the same.

And sure, of course not-awesome things happen. All the time, every day. But one thing I’ve learned as a coach, is that our brain notices the things we tell it to look for. In fact your brain is really really good at finding evidence to support your thoughts and opinions. If you think life is awesome, you train your brain to look for those things. When you start thinking life is hard, or that your co-worker is rude, or that everyone else on the road is a terrible driver, well then your brain is going to focus on that and will no doubt find lots of evidence to support that too. Training your brain to look for one thing doesn’t mean you are denying the other exists, it is just choosing which you want to be your default. 

I find that I enjoy my life more when I task my brain with the job of finding evidence for awesome rather than when I put it to work finding evidence for opposite-of-awesome. 

Of course if you want to play a zero-sum game and only accept a finite amount of awesomeness into your life, that is totally your choice. 

But consider this: ask a new mother if she could possibly feel any more love for her child, and she is likely to reply that her heart is bursting and she is experiencing the maximum amount of love she possibly could. Then ask her again when she has her second child. Does she have to decrease her love for her first child to make room to love the second child? Of course not. She finds new capacity to love and has even more love in her life! 

Awesomeness can be the same way, if you let it. 

And look, I’m not writing an academic paper on awesomeness. I’m describing how I want to feel, how I want to think, how I want to live. To me, the word awesome accurately sums up what I mean. I choose awesome.

Except when instead of awesome, something is rad. Or super sweet. Or even a crazy-amazing doperocket.

So if you aren’t interested in being Awesomelingual, that’s fine - feel free to replace it with any word you want: I promise not to be offended by how you label the greatness in your life. (Hint: truly awesome people don’t offend easily.) You are your own person and you are free to use whatever vocabulary taps your toes into their most toe-tappingest two-step. 

Because here is the real question: do you want to love what you do? Do you want life to be an unlimited wellspring of inspiration? Do you want to feel sexy whenever you walk into a room? 

The answers to those questions are completely up to you, and how you decide to see yourself and the world. 

Let me repeat - you get to choose! My advice? Choose wisely. 

Because, trust me, you are more than enough to be awesome. This choice isn’t beyond your ability. It isn’t pie in the sky. It is available to each and every one of us. 

[Side note: You are enough, unequivocally enough, and there is nothing you can say or do to convince me otherwise, so if one of your demons is trying to backtalk me on that point you can let him know his insulting form of “modesty” is cute but uncompelling.] 

If you are still on the fence, let’s take a quick personality quiz. Don’t worry, this will be easy! (Besides, Facebook has us all trained to love quizzes, don’t try to deny it.)

THE HOW AWESOME DO YOU WANT TO BE QUIZ

You wake up in the morning, rub your eyes and sit up. Ideally your next thought would be:

  1. I’m alive and awake and the day is young: today is going to be awesome like always! 
  2. Today is most likely going to be a perfectly ordinary day, nothing terrible but nothing great. In the scheme of my life, today is just an average day, it will probably be pretty much forgettable.

You are on your deathbed, looking back over your life. Pick the phrase you would hope would be most accurate for you. 

  1. I’ve had such an awesome life! I’m so glad that I had so many incredible experiences and cherished my days, I really made the most of what I was given. It wasn’t all perfect, I had some hard times too, but for the most part it was extraordinary!
  2. My life has been acceptable. I had more good days than bad days, and I’m glad to be here, so I guess on average it was all mostly ok. 

I can’t say that either answer is “right” or “wrong” for you. But while 1 and 2 might seem worlds apart, the only difference between them is how you choose to perceive your experience. There is no CAT scan or blood test that is going to prove whether something is awesome or average. Which, I’ll admit, makes average a perfectly acceptable choice - if you think that living an average life is going to get you to where you want to be. 

For me? I choose awesome. I believe it is my birthright, just as it is yours. And I don’t just mean I choose the awesomeification of my own life, but also of everything and everyone around me. I am an active voter in Awesometown, and celebrate awesometicity wherever I can find it. I’m a full time awesometologist, advocating for all the awesomniacs in the world. (OK, so now I really am making words up, but I am literally giggling at myself so I consider this a win-win.)

This brings me back to my original question. (See how I did that?)

Do you want to be awesome-in-a-can? Do you want to be the kind of person that believes the universe is there to help you, and that you can find a way to get through any obstacle, and that you are worthy of love and admiration? A person who has no regrets, and can say no without guilt, and that loves their hairstyle?

All these things are possible. All these things (and more) are possible for you

This blog is an invitation. You are being invited, right now, to acknowledge and celebrate and marvel at everything that is awesome in your life. Those of you still humming along to the Lego song know what I’m talking about. 

Will you join me?

If you enjoyed this post, please help me get the word out by liking and sharing it! The more the awesome spreads, the more we awesomaniacs stand up tall and proud, the better it is for all of us!

 
expectawesometohappen
 

Robb Hillman is a RN and Certified Life Coach. He provides coaching and Superhero Training so that his clients can empower themselves to have a deliberately awesome and satisfying life. 

Pollyanna isn't naive, she is a badass.

Our current society seems to view robust and irrepressible optimism as a weakness, and dismisses it as coming from someone who is too silly, inexperienced or gullible to understand the “real truths”. 

But I think this is a fundamental misunderstanding of what optimism is. Optimism isn't about ignoring reality and living in a fantasy of rainbows and unicorns. In fact it requires great strength of will and of character. It isn’t always easy, and it certainly isn’t passive. Optimism is a fierce battle of consciously choosing the perspective that is going to best serve you in your life. 

I don’t think Pollyanna was simple and naive to reality. I think she was a badass who bent reality to her will. And here’s why:

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You are enough.

 
You are enough. you are so enough it is unbelievable how enough you are..jpg

However you are celebrating the holidays this year, I hope you will take a moment to remember how truly spectacular you are. 

There is no one in the world like you.

Your combination of genes and choices and circumstances are totally unique in the history of humankind. 

There is no one who sees the world exactly the way you do.

There is no one who feels the world exactly the way you do. 

Which means you are special. And rare. And valuable.

As we Americans get set to give thanks for the things we have, don’t forget to give thanks for who you are. 

You are worthy.

You are perfect.

You are enough.

You are you.

And that, my friends, is something worth celebrating. 

Happy Holidays!

Robb