I need a change, I am an alcoholic I think the BON is going to mandate an intervention project and I don't know that I want to be a nurse. I have a lot of areas that need healing. My dream would be to be a wellness and fitness trainer. No clues where to turn or what to do.
It sounds like you have a lot going on. Without knowing the details, here is what I would offer you.
1. Take a breath, and know that you are ok, and that you can do this. Nursing is hard. Dealing with addiction is hard. Heck, sometimes just being a person in the world is hard. The fact that it is hard doesn't mean anything has gone wrong. It just means you are being challenged to grow and adapt and become someone stronger.
2. It would be understandable if you were feeling overwhelmed right now. But if you are going to make choices that are going to affect the rest of your life, you might want to consider grounding yourself first. Overwhelm, frustration, fear - these are normal feelings we all have, but they are not a great foundation from which to build a better life, or to end a career on. I have no idea if you should stick to nursing or try something new, only you can know which is going to give you the life you want to have. But I'd caution you to make that decision from a position of strength, not to run away from your challenges, but to stand tall as the person you are. It is a very different thing to say "This is hard and uncomfortable so I'm just going to do something easier" than to say "This is hard and uncomfortable, and I know I could get through it and be happy at this job again. And I'd rather do something else."
3. You are not alone. We all need help sometimes, all of us. Heck, I love making life-altering changes every so often, and even though I love it sometimes I need support to get through the uncertainties and challenges that come up. And that's ok. So let people help you. A friend, a therapist, a program, a coach. Whatever it is that you need. There is no glory in being a martyr.
4. Lastly, and this is a really coachy answer, but I'd recommend getting clear on what exactly it is that you want. Sometimes we get caught in a mind-trap where we just want things to be easy. Then when they aren't, we get frustrated and withdraw and are miserable. Do you want to love being a nurse? Do you want to stop drinking? Do you want to heal old hurts and feel empowered and strong and confident? If you could have anything you wanted, what would you want? If you can get clear on that, then all you have to do is start doing the things that will get you there. Choosing your goal can be one of the most empowering things you can do for yourself. It might not be as easy as we wish it were, but don't underestimate how helpful it can be to know what direction you want to steer towards.
I hope this is helpful! If you have questions we can always jump on the phone, I offer free 30-minute coaching calls. CLICK HERE to find a time on my calendar that would work for you.
Life can be hard. But you are a nurse. You can do hard things.
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